Thoughts and fears canvassing

Having taken one of the boldest decisions of my life yet (strange how timing can make a decision seem from natural to bold – taking the same decision last year would have seemed most natural though the end results would have been horrific, and now it seems one of the boldest decision of life with results completely unknown – actually this unknown factor is what seemingly makes it bold), I am being harassed by all kinds of thoughts and fears playing in my mind. About the timing of it, the soundness of it and the outcome of it.

Now two weeks into it, I still am grappling to find my lost touch – am I that good any more as I used to think I was? The logics do not sink immediately. The most intelligent questions do not strike naturally. Is it a matter of time? Or has the damage been permanent? Hope this aspect sorts itself out sooner than later and positively else very tough times are ahead.

Second and perhaps most horrific fear is about the outcome. The thought is enough to send shivers down the spine. Deep into loan, no security net to fall on, the aspiration sector almost wiped off removing almost all chances of landing into the desired place, being a misfit at other places, current scenario showing no signs of relenting…..let me not think of it anymore. Am adequately scared. Time to dive back into books and survive on hope.